Monday, July 29, 2013

Exorcism! Anthony Wiener's wierner possessed by evil spirit!

Disgraced former Congressman/horrible genitalia-centric selfie addict/New York mayoral candidate Anthony Wiener's manparts are reportedly possessed by an evil spirit! This d*** ghost is believed to be the true reason why Wiener can't control his ability to take photos of his manparts. Independent exorcists who spoke on the condition of anonymity reported this:

"First of all, it's not a d*** ghost. A ghost is the spirit of a once living human being. The proper terminology would be 'd*** demon'.

The Weiner family enlisted the aid of this dynamic independent exorcist duo to help their relative, Mr. Anthony Weiner, fight this terrible entity.

"We are speaking with the Weiners at the moment about scheduling the exorcism," said one of the independent exorcist team members. "I would give you details about what we plan to do, but we don't want this d*** demon to know our plans. It is a wily and evil creature."  

The Underground Reporter asked a random priest seen crossing the road why no religious institutions would intervene to deal with this dastardly situation.

"Look, I'll pray for him and stuff," random street-crossing priest said, "but this...situation? Yeah, I'm not touching that."

The independent demon-fighting team was asked if they plan to record the exorcism of the malevolent junk monster plaguing Anthony Wiener.

"No," they responded. "That's what it wants. The d*** demon loves to be photographed."

The Underground Reporter was not invited to attend the exorcism.