Hide your Cheerios! A dastardly series of crimes have officially been determined to be done by the same perpetrator! The victims, unsuspecting boxes of cereal, have all been located near the assassin's calling card: a name spray-painted in red. Local officials are terming these acts as a "war on breakfast."
"Two things about this case puzzle me," a source told the Underground Reporter. "One, who the hell would attack a freaking box of cereal and two, why has no one seen this guy? He's running around town with a can of spray paint and a spoon dripping in milk. I mean, come on!"
The cereal killer has dubbed himself "The Champion."