Corrupt politicians everywhere are incensed about Jack Abramoff, citing his blatant failure to keep it on the down low.
"He is a filthy rat with no morals!" a shady politician exclaimed angrily. "What kind of world do we live in? There isn't even honor among thieves anymore!"
Sources indicate that after the Abramoff confessions, several Senators were reported to be locked in their offices, playing "break-up" music and sobbing loudly.
"How could he buy me and then just sell me out like that?" a weepy, crooked politician said to the Underground Reporter. "He gave me a boat - I thought I meant something to him...I just feel so used!"
A spokesperson for Abramoff shrugged and replied, "Well...what else did you expect? I mean, duh."