Friday, November 28, 2008

Misfit Toys Sue Santa!

The Underground Reporter has discovered that the ACLU is pursuing a class-action lawsuit against Jolly Jelly Belly Inc. which is owned and run by a Mr. Kris Kringle aka Santa Claus citing discrimination against misfit toys because of their disabilities. Often described as "faulty craftsmanship," these allegedly undesirable yet fun-loving dolls, vehicles and games are cast out to the Island of Misfit Toys to not be played with for eternity.

Attorneys representing Claus have issued a statement stating that the suit was frivolous because the North Pole is not subject to U.S. laws. However, the courageous cast-offs will not be deterred. "We are petitioning the U.S. Attorney General or other countries to take up the issue," a reject toy soldier told the Underground Reporter. "And for the record, I am not a doll, I am an action figure!"

Santa Claus was sought for an interview but would only shout from a window: "Those jacked-up little m************ should be glad I let them have an island retirement home instead of torching their a****! I can't believe those f****** pieces of s*** are trying to sue me! You can't sue me, I'm Santa Claus, b****! F*** them and f*** you, too!"

4 comments:

tsubassoonist said...

LOL, is "Misfit Toys" a rival company from the local "Jem toys" AKA, Jem and the Holograms? I seem to recall a late 80's interview with Jem on her future, after the holograms started to lose their popularity, where she said, "There are two things I know how to do...sing with holographic back up dancers, and make toys!" LOL...it's too early in the morning for me...I can tell!

Sharon said...

Santa is having a bad year, eh? May be time for him to give up the reins....hehehe.

Tristen said...

LOL! First, I guess Santa decided to take a page from Dave Chapelle as "Rick James b@#%$!"! All that quote is missing is "F&#% your Christmas!"

Second! I guess now isn't the time for Trix the Rabbit to go forward with his lawsuit alleging that he's a spokesperson for a product he is not allowed to try!

S said...

I'm working on an intervention for Cocoa Puffs addict "Sonny the Bird" a la Scarface as we speak!